october 26 2025
i think the storm has broken. thank fuck. now if i could just stop worrying that everything i make is derivative!!!
october 24 2025
depression tw
i've been feeling like shit lately and hoping it's hormones. i'm physically fine, i'm just feeling weird and low lately. i feel like there's nothing much to like about me, i'm an asshole in social interactions, and i'm mediocre at everything. it's been stupidly hard to get anything done irl. typing that out, it feels like hormones or some depression shit talking. i normally have a better handle on this. just gotta keep working on the things i want to be better at and try not to be dramatic or self-pitying. mark has to work all weekend so i'll probably spend some time cleaning and tidying up. between that and beans' dental surgery getting done on wednesday finally i think/hope i'll feel better.
october 14 2025
working on something more in-depth about my spiritual practices... also i got a different pair of loop earplugs and i think they're going to be game-changing at work. i'm really excited about them lol.
i have a pair of the kind meant for concerts, and they helped to a point but i felt like i was underwater and couldn't hear the people around me very well, which wasn't great for working in a crowded kitchen with a lot of people. these definitely feel diffeerent already!! i've been wearing them at home since they arrived and they're comfy. if you're reading this and struggle with noise sensitivity issues, i recommend the loop engage earbuds so far :)
october 12 2025
my period is hitting me so hard i feel like i have a cold. jesus fucking christ.
october 11 2025
i'm so glad that mark has the weekend off, it's been too long TT____TT also had a realization just now --
v much trigger warning so expand only if you're feeling good mentally (i am ok now!!)
it's been exactly 15 years now since my last/most serious suicide attempt!! still here motherfuckers!!
october 9 2025
my brain is a piece of chewed bubblegum right now. having one of those "wake up and the internal screaming begins immediately" kind of days. fun!!
october 7 2025
will i ever stop making a new page every couple days?? (but it's fun...)
october 5 2025
the weather has been perfect today. chilly in the morning for my walk, rainy in the afternoon. i just wish mark had been off work this weekend :C
i made little "notebooks" for my and mark's dragons and i like the little button i made for it lol.
october 4 2025 (at like, midnight)
new month, new miniblog...
i liked the meatblog but it was too much template and not enough me. we're back babeyy~
i've been making a lot of pages lately and having a goodass time. spent a few days on the manor in the mist, a little haunted house, and also made a sort-of shrine to ungoliant and shelob but is really mostly me talking about mother trauma and giant spiders in general.
i've been stressed and overstimulated a lot lately offline though and i don't know why or how to fix it at the moment. maybe i just need to try and sleep better @____@